Blue Light Special
by DrBlizzard
Summary: Has anyone noticed that everything in Vegas is bathed in blue light? Silliness.


Blue Light Special  
by Allie Percy & Carrie Krumtum  
  
Disclaimer: yadda yadda yadda  
  
Authors' note: Forgive us, please, but this story demanded to be written.  
  
Opening shot: Gratuitous flyover of Las Vegas strip at night. Casino sound effects play inexplicably in the background. How does the helicopter pilot hear the sound of those slot machines over the "thwap thwap thwap" of his chopper blades while flying hundreds of feet in the air? Boy, sound must travel really well in Las Vegas at night.  
  
Cut to the Break Room in the Las Vegas Crime Lab. The room is bathed in blue light. Catherine is flipping through a fashion magazine while sitting across the table from Nick Stokes. Nicky is shirtless. There is no reason for this other than the fact that the authors want it that way. Nearby, Sara is scowling while Warrick looks beleaguered. They are all waiting for...  
  
Gil walks through the door with a slip of paper in his hand. The team looks at him expectantly.  
  
"We have a DB at a casino. Catherine and Nicky, you have this case."  
  
Catherine and Nick hop up and race for the door. Gil chases after them down the hall. "Wait, don' t you want to know which casino?"  
  
Catherine rolls her eyes at Gil and tosses her hair. "A dead body at a casino in Vegas? It has to be at the Tangiers. Nobody ever dies anywhere else. Not since the first season, anyway."  
  
Meanwhile, back in the Break Room, which is still bathed in blue light, Sara is still scowling and Warrick is still beleaguered. Gil walks over to the DNA lab, which is bathed in blue light, to ask Greg about the results for samples he dropped off 10 minutes ago. Now normally, it would take three months to run the analysis that he asked Greg to do, but hey, this is TV. Greg, sporting a red-white-and-blue spiked hairstyle, reaches for the phone to beep Gil so he can give him the results. Gil's beeper goes off as he stands across the room from Greg.  
  
"Greg, I'm in the same room with you. It's not necessary to beep me."  
  
Greg hands him the results. Gil reads them over and raises his right eyebrow. He hustles out of the room and into the corridor, which is bathed in blue light, heading for Brass's office, which will be bathed in blue light when he gets there.  
  
Meanwhile, back in the Break Room, Sara is still scowling. Warrick, looking beleaguered, decides to break the ice. "OK, what's wrong this time?"  
  
Sara scowls more deeply. Pretty soon she'll need botox to remove that furrow in her brow. "I'm waiting for some results from the Print Lab."  
  
Warrick looks beleaguered some more. "You know, you'd have more luck getting those results if you scowled at the guys in the Print Lab." Sara stalks out of the room and over to the Print Lab, which is bathed in blue light.  
  
Cut to the Tangiers, the Most Dangerous Casino on Earth, where Catherine and Nick are walking through the casino. Nobody notices that Nicky is shirtless, except for the authors of this story -- and you the readers, of course. The dead body is slumped over a craps table. There is a pile of casino chips on his back. Catherine looks at the pile of chips quizzically and tosses her hair. Dave the Coroner, standing nearby, provides an answer to her unspoken question. "He passed away on the Pass line. The customers wanted to finish the game."  
  
Nicky, muscles rippling, interjects. "If the dice hit the dead body, does that constitute crapping out?"  
  
The casino manager, standing nearby and bathed in blue light, speaks up. "We'll have to go back to my office so I can look at the rule book." The group leaves the craps table, and the dead body, and heads across the casino floor. They plug their ears to block out the noise of the slot machines, which are loud enough to be heard from a helicopter flying hundreds of feet above the Las Vegas strip at night.  
  
Back at the DNA lab, which is bathed in blue light, Greg's hair is now pink and moussed into a mohawk. He picks up the phone to page someone. Seconds later, his own beeper goes off. He looks at the beeper and sees that he has paged his own beeper to remind himself to page Warrick. He then pages Warrick, who is still in the blue-light-bathed Break Room, looking beleaguered.  
  
Meanwhile, Gil is sitting with Brass in the police captain's office, drinking scotch, neat. The office is -- all together now -- bathed in blue light. The two men are not really talking; they're just drinking. Brass looks at Gil and raises one of his eyebrows. In response, Gil raises his left eyebrow. They go back to drinking.  
  
Back at the Tangiers, the group walks into the casino manager's office, which is bathed in orange light. Catherine is taken aback. "I feel like I'm in Miami," she says.  
  
The casino manager responds, "Well, I tried to get blue lights for the office, but all of the stores in the Las Vegas valley are sold out." Nicky nods understandingly. He is still shirtless, just in case you were wondering.  
  
The casino manager flips through a book entitled Craps for Dummies and discovers that if the dice hit a dead body on a craps table, it does indeed mean the player has crapped out. Nick tells the manager, "Sorry sir, I'm going to have to take this book into evidence." Shirtless Nick, muscles rippling, picks up the book with a huge pair of tweezers and slips it into a very large bindle envelope.  
  
Catherine and Nick exit the office and find that David the Coroner (doesn't he have a last name? We don't know either.) has taken the body to the morgue. Shirtless Nick wins the coin toss to drive the Tahoe back to the CSI building. The inside of the Tahoe is bathed in blue light. Someone paid extra to get the blue interior lights option on this vehicle. Since Catherine isn't driving, she spends the trip tossing her hair. Toss, toss.  
  
Back at the Print Lab, Sara is scowling at Mandy. Mandy is frustrated and finally says in exasperation, "It's hard to read these prints when the room is bathed in all this damn blue light!" Sara folds her arms and scowls some more.  
  
Warrick, looking beleaguered, is still in the break room, which is still bathed in blue light. His beeper goes off. Warrick doesn't bother to look at it, knowing that it must be Greg. He sighs and heads across the hall to the DNA lab, which is bathed in blue light. Greg, whose hair is now green and cropped in a buzz cut, greets Warrick with a page of DNA results completed three hours before Warrick even gave him the evidence. Boy, that's fast DNA analysis for you! Warrick is now beleaguered because there is no need for him to go gather the evidence necessary for Greg's DNA analysis. Warrick goes back to his apartment, which is bathed in blue light.  
  
Back in Brass's office, Gil and Jim are sloshed. Catherine and Shirtless Nick enter the bathed-in-blue-light office and tell Gil that the DB from the Tangiers has been brought back to the morgue. Gil looks at Catherine and raises his right eyebrow. However, since his right eyebrow was already raised from earlier in the evening, it gets stuck from overuse. Deprived of this method of expression, Gil decides to look over his glasses at her. This proves difficult because he left his glasses in his office, which is bathed in blue light, not that you can see it because we are still in Brass's office, if you'll recall.  
  
Gil, Catherine, and Shirtless Nick traipse off to the morgue, which is bathed in blue light. Doc Robbins, bathed in blue light, has begun the autopsy with a non-tradition "Z" incision. Gil, both of whose eyebrows are stuck in the "up" position, turns to Nick, who raises one of *his* eyebrows at Doc Robbins. Catherine tosses her hair for no apparent reason.  
  
Robbins explains his autopsy technique. "I was bored with the 'Y' incisions, so I moved on to the 'Z.'"  
  
The body lying on the autopsy table blinks and exhibits a noticeable carotid pulse. Nobody appears to notice. They do notice, however, when the body takes a deep breath and sighs. Gil, whose eyebrows are stuck in the perpetually "up" position, looks at Shirtless Nick for help. Catherine, exasperated, tells Gil, "Oh, get over it!" and slaps him. The force of the blow releases Gil's eyebrows at last. The body on the autopsy table giggles.  
  
Doc Robbins chides the body, saying, "You're not supposed to laugh, you're dead!" The body regains its composure and goes back to lying more or less still on the table. Doc Robbins turns his attention back to the three CSIs. "In case anyone is interested, I've established the cause of death."  
  
Gil and the others turn and look at the medical examiner expectantly. Doc Robbins, bathed in blue light, says, "He had a ruptured ventricular aneurysm."  
  
Gil raises both eyebrows again. "So, he died of natural causes?"  
  
Shirtless Nicky observes, "Then we have no case!"  
  
Catherine tosses her hair, which is bathed in blue light. Just then, all their beepers go off, including Doc Robbins' beeper and one that is lying next to the "dead" body. Everyone looks at their beepers and says in unison, "It's Greg in the DNA lab." The CSIs troop out of the room, leaving Doc Robbins to play canasta with the "dead" body in the morgue, which is bathed in blue light.  
  
In the DNA lab, which is bathed in blue light, Greg's hair has now magically grown out again and is pulled back in a bright yellow ponytail with a lavender scrunchie. Catherine tosses her hair, Nicky flexes his muscles (Yes, he is still quite shirtless and his chest is bathed in blue light.), and Gil raises his left eyebrow.  
  
"I just want you all to know that I've completed all the analysis on all the evidence you are all going to bring to the lab for the next three months, so I'm joining a rock band and going on tour," Greg tells them as his hair begins to grow right in front of their eyes and begins to continually change shades from green to red to pink to yellow to purple to green. Not blue though, never blue. That's for the bathing light, don't you know.  
  
Gil leaves the DNA lab and heads for a local casino with a roller coaster that is bathed in blue light. Once he gets on the roller coaster, no one can get him off. He can last be heard screaming, "WHEEEEEE!!!" as the coaster barrels along the blue light that baths the tracks.  
  
Warrick, who is at his apartment, which is bathed in blue light, gets the message on his beeper and tosses the beeper out of the window, but not before looking at it beleagueredly.  
  
Sara hears the news about Greg's rock band tour from Mandy, who ignores the blue light bath in the print lab at last to complete the fingerprint analysis that tells Sara that the print she brought to the lab was her own.  
  
Captain Brass is totally snockered in his office, which is bathed in blue light, and has fallen off of his chair. He is wearing Bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. This change of wardrobe is made by the authors in an attempt to nix the gray suit brigade. Oh, and his new outfit is, indeed, bathed in blue light. From his back on the floor, he glances up at all the blue light and utters, "Oooo, pretty."  
  
The End 


End file.
